Top 5 Celebs That Need A Makeover

Here’s my list of the Top 5 Celebrities that I would love to get my hands on and give a makeover, and why!

  1. Sam Cam.

    Samantha Cameron I would love to get my hands on to re-style. Journalists are always going on about how stylish she is (I think they mean, for a PM’s wife), but I think she seriously dresses wide of the mark. Style experimentation should not be mistaken for flattering. It’s like she’s trying to be trendy 20-30-something (is she? I really don’t know), crossed with horrific Boden-esque casual school-mum village fete chic. (And that’s an oxymoron.) For a start, there’s that hair. It’s not the best. It’s floppy and lank in its layering and fringe. I think it would look better on her a lot shorter, and with less of that trying-to-be-London-trendy too-long fringe going on. I once heard a very good radio programme with a top hair stylist, in which he said that, “There’s a fringe for everyone”. Well, that’s not the one for her. She needs to be more classical, more neat, more pulled-together. That comes with her role, to be honest.
    Then there’s those cheap-looking beloved gold hoop earrings of hers that are permanently hanging from her ears. Those need to go. They look seriously tacky. They lower the entire tone of Sam Cam. She doesn’t need to go the whole hog and try to emulate Margaret Thatcher in royal blue suit and pearls, but she does need to smarten up a bit and stop trying to look like she’s (a) 24, and (b) just come off the beach at Salcombe. She can wear dresses, but she needs to wear more tailored, professional looking ones. She falls into the same trap as Kate Middleton in this respect – “look at me I shop on the High Street” – yeah, but you’re not 25 anymore. You’re not going to a garden party. Grow up.
    And that neckline she loves toying with (the high-neck, crew-neck, round-neck) may be in vogue, but it is not flattering on older women (I mean, women over 40). It is utterly ghastly. More chest and decolletage should be on show, it would make her look more grown-up, more womanly, a hell of a lot more sophisticated, and less 20-year-old au pair. Less milkmaid.
    Ever hopeful that she’s going to have finally nailed the right look, I rarely look at Sam Cam and think “wow – stylish”. I usually just think she looks a bit dowdy and frumpy and messy and errs on the wrong side of casual.

  2. Angelina Jolie.

    Frequently touted as one of the world’s most beautiful celebrities, with amazing skin, pouty lips, and huge glamorous eyes… but to be honest, I just don’t get her ‘look’ at all. I mean, she’s pretty – but she’s hardly the most classically stunning lady of all time. I find her look to be a bit, well, unusual. It’s like she’s got all these amazing features sitting there on her visage and she doesn’t know what to do with them all, so she just kind of…hides them. Her face is always pale and – beige. With her plethora of ‘stunning’ features, why does she not make more of them? – rather than blanking them all out with nude makeup. She looks permanently like she’s got that makeup on in Regency period films where they try to portray the bedridden ‘unwell’. Gaunt.
    The biggest thing however that is wrong with Angelina is that she wears that god-awful black colour the whole time. I have rarely seen her wearing anything else but black. Drab, matte black. It looks awful on her, with her lack of strong makeup and her usually scraped-back hair. It really drains her. Black doesn’t suit her. I wonder what would suit her? Hmm, off-white perhaps? Blues? Soft greens? Silvery grey? Look how soft her features and colouring are. Black whacks all that out.
    I feel with Angelina whenever I see her, “Hmm…that’s a shame. A real…missed opportunity.”

  3. Claudia Winkleman.

    Everyone always goes on about Claudia Winkleman’s fringe [being annoying], but her problems are far more widespread than that. Claudia needs a serious make-under. You see that fake tan shade she applies ruthlessly all over her face all the time? – It’s got to go. Her face is monochrome: uniform tangerine.
    And this is the great problem I have with all fake tan. It is uniform. Till someone invents a natural sun-kissed lotion or spray that goes on in a range of hues and tones, fake tan will always look completely unnatural and un-sun-kissed. Fake tan makes the skin turn a very uniform shade, which is so not what happens when you get a ‘natural’ sun tan in the sun. When you get a bit sun-burnt, you will notice that your forehead, cheeks, temples, nose and chin get a bit bronzed, while other parts (your eyes, your lower forehead, under your chin) remain relatively bronze-free. This is why I have a problem with fake tan products (although I do reluctantly use them), and why bronzer, applied properly, is actually the more convincing sun-kissed product of choice.
    I once read an interview with Claudia where she stated herself that she “Loads on the MAC Black Eyeliner” and “doesn’t hold back”. She should. Too much smoky eye, in that garish clownish black kohl, messily rimmed round her clumpy mascara, makes her look cheap and nasty. Like one of the MAC girls. Or a gawky teenager trying out makeup for the first time. I don’t really like clumpy rock-chick makeup, it looks trashy.
    And what is going on with those Twiggy-esque washed-out pale pink matte lips that I thought went out of fashion in 1968? I’m all for being inspired by a decade or an era of fashion, but straight copying of the 1960s makeup look is a step too far. The pale lips don’t look flattering on her.

  4. Demi Moore.

    …needs a haircut…! And here’s why. At her age, and with her face shape, that long, centre-parted “curtains” style of lonnnng uniform length just looks horrendous. It is not flattering. It might be “in”, with runway models and girls half her age, but it is terribly unflattering on Ms Moore. She’s 50-something, and her dyed black hair is down to her belly button. And here is the lesson in beauty and style: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. It’s like she’s in age denial and is crying out “I want to look 25”. She is very muscular and angular looking (particularly about the face), and so a much shorter, layered style with a lot more volume would suit her face shape far better. I much preferred her in the 1990s with her short volumized bob. She needs to soften her features via her haircut – not accentuate them with a blunt long straight-across hair length. Get it cut!

  5. Pippa Middleton / P Middy.

    Same applies as above. She could do with a haircut. I know she’s in the shadow of her arguably more famous and more glamorous sister, and probably wants just to copy her sis’s looks/makeup/hair, but she shouldn’t. Her yawn copycat brunette identikit haircut just looks flat and lank and just kind of – ‘hangs’ – on her. Her hair looks finer than Kate’s. I think a shorter choppier style would really suit her better than just growing it just for the hell of it and because everyone else is doing so. However my main ‘little annoyance’ with P Middy is her too dark black-all-over eyeliner! Now she’s obviously quite a pretty girl. However she appears to have quite small, deep-set eyes, and she should know that lining them all around (both top and bottom lash lines) with a harsh black line only serves to make them seem even smaller. As a brunette, brown liner might be softer and more natural, and even then, it would be better softly blended. And it was certainly too harsh for a wedding. This, combined with too much obvious black mascara, seems to make her look a little more ‘fake’ and Essex than royal and Berkshire. Get a makeover! Do more subtle eye makeup! Wear less fake tan! Then you might look prettier, more natural, more individual. More flattering.



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