Hang On A Moment, I Need To Go And Pop Another Dose Of My Ugly Pills…

In this blog post I’m going to be discussing some of the reasons why (if any) there are certain people on this planet that just seem to go OUT OF THEIR WAY to look unattractive. The opinions expressed in this particular post are purely personal, so I don’t expect everyone necessarily to agree with me on this one. However, some things need to be said. Controversial? Perhaps.

What I’m getting at here are those people – and who, I admit, are mainly female – who apparently leave the house in the morning with not a hint of preparation having gone into their morning routine. It’s like they’ve just rolled outa bed, dah-dahhh! – just like that. Terrible dress sense. Unflattering clothes. Greasy, unstyled hair, scraped into a limp ponytail. Not a trace of make-up. Nada. Couldn’t give a hoot. It’s like, Why would you WANT to make yourself look that unattractive?

Now I’m no Elizabeth Hurley, but for goodness’ sake, women! Have some shame on yourselves! People who don’t take any pride in their appearance are, to me, people who have given up on the joys of life. Looking good makes you FEEL good about yourself, and after that then the day just seems to swing along with a buzz – plus it makes the streets look full of beautiful people and we’re all happy. Which is a nice thing.

Now if there was a scale of mingingness from 1 (gorgeous) to 10 (ultra-ming), then I’d be the first to admit that I’d probably be nearer the higher end of the scale; I’m not vain! – but taking just a BIT of care over your appearance can do wonders for your self-esteem, and can bring your mingingness down a grade or two. I’m entirely with ‘What Not To Wear’ on this one – a tiny bit of daily preening and maintenance can really make the difference between being a butch-looking hermaphroditette and a beautiful thing of glamour.

It’s not about wearing a mask. It’s not about being a fashion victim. It’s not about trying to emulate Jordan Katie Price or Pamela Anderson, who both swing too far in the opposite direction. Nobody wants to go out feeling uncomfortable or looking like a drag queen. But a simple bit of pressed powder, mascara and lipstick, plus at least an attempt at some kind of hair “style” – I mean, come ON! Is that really too much to ask?

It’s as if these people (namely: some mums, so-called “practical” women, lesbians, and other “I’m too busy for appearances” sorts) feel they have some god-given right to look plain. Actually I think it’s more than that: after a while it’s self-indulgent. It’s as if they’re saying, “Uh! Think I’ve got time for dressing up? Think I’ve got time for twiddling my hair into shape? Think I need make-up?” – in that holier-than-thou, appearances-are-just-for-slappers kind of way. As though looking plain makes them better than the rest of us or something.

I disagree with this brazenly cocksure attitude. As a matter of fact I would deem myself to be a highly “practical” or – what’s that euphemism for unattractive? – “outdoorsy” sort of bird. I have my minging, no-effort days (at weekends). Everybody does. But not EVERY day. During the week it’s not only good to look good, but it’s fun, and, I’d say, it’s even a public responsibility. I’m also a feminist but that doesn’t necessarily make me want to look like a tomboy or like someone out of McDonald’s.

Fact: Nobody likes mingers. Fact: You’ll have plenty of time to look as unattractive as you want when you’re six foot under and lying in a coffin! So get with the program! – You’re only here once; you’re only going to have this face, this body, ONCE; you’re only going to meet/smile at/make an impression to certain people in this world – ONCE. So make the most of it! Make an effort. Stop looking like a Neanderthal and make people take notice of your assets. And ditch those ugly pills once and for all, will you!


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